When I was young, I just wanted a BMW. Now that I’m older, I don’t need the W.

Submitted by Howard D.

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A good pun is its own reword.

Submitted by Dutch.

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I’ve discovered there is no popcorn in popcorn chicken, so I guess there is no point bothering with hash browns.

Submitted by Dave Z.

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Your smile is your best (and most obvious) asset. Let everyone see it!

Submitted by Howard D.

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I know it’s difficult to tolerate some people, but if you do, you might find out that they are total assholes, just like you thought.

Submitted by Howard D.

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When talking to a blind person, you don’t have to raise your voice.

Submitted by Mr. Brooks

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Why is the difference between there, they’re and their such a difficult concept for some people?

Submitted by Howard D.

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It’s always darkest before it gets completely black.

Submitted by Dutch.

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If you expect the unexpected, doesn’t that make the unexpected become the expected?

Submitted by Dutch.

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A Red Velvet cake is just chocolate cake with red food coloring, right?

Submitted by Dutch.

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